


A Child's Innocence Heals

by Anxiouslykitty



Series: Christmas 2020 [6]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Christmas, Crying, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Gen, Mother-Daughter Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:21:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28368330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anxiouslykitty/pseuds/Anxiouslykitty
Summary: Gretchen tries one last thing to bring Kathryn out of the depression she had been in since Voyager returned from the Delta Quadrant.
Relationships: Gretchen Janeway & Kathryn Janeway, Kathryn Janeway & B'Elanna Torres, Kathryn Janeway & Miral Paris
Series: Christmas 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2074266
Comments: 7
Kudos: 10





	A Child's Innocence Heals

Ever since Voyager returned from the Delta Quadrant Kathryn had been staying with her mother Gretchen in Indiana. As much as Gretchen was over the moon to have her daughter home and safe after so long, she was beginning to worry. Kathryn had come home from the Delta Quadrant, but not the whole Kathryn. Most days she didn’t get out of bed and she refused to go and see any of the counselors that Starfleet offered her. Gretchen had tried everything she could think of to try and get Kathryn to come back to herself and all of it had been unsuccessful. That’s why when some of Kathryn’s crew asked to come for Christmas in an effort to cheer her up Gretchen had jumped at the idea.

Gretchen had kept it a secret from Kathryn because she knew if she told her Kathryn would want them not to come. None of them would be staying at the house because she felt like that would have been pushing her luck. Tom and B’elanna and their daughter would beam into the transport hub Christmas morning as they have a place in San Francisco near Admiral Paris. Seven and Tuvok would both be staying at Phoebe’s house. It hadn’t been difficult to plan all of this behind Kathryn’s back because most days she didn’t even get out of bed.

Tuvok and Seven were the first to arrive with Phoebe Christmas morning. Gretchen gave them breakfast and enjoyed chatting with the two guests about what they had been doing since Voyager returned. This was the first time she had seen Tuvok since Voyager first returned. He and Kathryn had known each other for years and this wasn’t his first trip to the farm. This was the first time that Gretchen was meeting Seven. She had communicated with her in a few letters, but they had never met in person. Gretchen found her way of talking and interacting interesting and she hoped to be able to spend more time with her.

About an hour after Tuvok and Seven had arrived Tom, B’elanna and Miral arrived. It was nice to meet Tom after having known his father for many years. Though she was especially excited to see Miral. She loved babies and she knew this particular baby was special to Kathryn. Tom and B’elanna had made Kathryn her sort of godmother. When they had first returned Kathryn had been around Miral quite a lot. However as the hearings had carried on and gotten more difficult Kathryn began to retreat into herself and when they were over she had come to Indiana and not seen anyone since.

“Make yourselves at home” Gretchen offered. “Kathryn doesn’t know you were all coming over so I’m going to go up and surprise her.”

Gretchen hoped then when she told Kathryn who was here that she would break out of her depression enough to come down and see everyone. She knocked gently on Kathryn’s door and when there was no response she opened it and went in. Kathryn was on her side under the covers facing away from the door. Gretchen walked over and sat on the bed next to Kathryn.

“Merry Christmas” Gretchen greeted. “I have a bit of a Christmas surprise downstairs for you.”

“Mother, I'm tired,” Kathryn grumbled.

“You have visitors downstairs,” Gretchen replied.

Kathryn sat up and glared at her mother.

“What do you mean visitors” Kathryn snapped.

“Tom, B’elanna, and Miral are here” Getchen began. “Seven and Tuvok are here and so is Phoebe of course.”

“How could you” Kathryn screamed. “I told you I didn’t want to see people and especially not them. Why would you do this to me? They don’t want to see me. I’m not the person they think I am. Tell them to go home or tell them I’m not here, I don’t care.”

Kathryn flopped back on the bed turning as far away from Gretchen as she could and pulled the comforter over herself. Gretchen stood and walked out of the room. She could feel herself shaking and she was trying to will herself to stop. As she walked down the stairs she tried to think of what she was going to tell all of them. When she got into the living room she could see little Miral sitting on Tom’s lap on the floor while Seven played peekaboo with her. It was obvious that Tom was teaching Seven how to play the game and Seven was getting great enjoyment out of Miral’s giggling responses. Gretchen stopped in the doorway and B’elanna looked over to her. When she locked eyes with B’elanna she felt the tears fall from her eyes down her cheeks and she scurried into the kitchen covering her mouth to keep her sob quiet.

She leaned against the counter over the sink and kept her hand tightly gripped over her mouth. She was crying in earnest now and she desperately wanted to stop. She jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She tried to wipe the tears from her cheeks as she turned to see who had snuck up on her.

“Oh B’elanna I’m sorry” Gretchen choked out.

“Mrs. Janeway are you okay” B’elanna asked gently.

It was all too much for Gretchen and she broke out in a new round of sobbing. Without thinking B’elanna wrapped Gretchen in a tight embrace. It felt good to have support. Gretchen realized as she cried into B’elanna’s shoulder that she hadn’t let anybody see how much this was all weighing on her. She hadn’t even talked about Kathryn’s behavior with Phoebe. She had been trying to tough it out on her own and today was just the final straw. B’elanna gently rubbed Gretchen’s back and murmured soothing things against her hair.

When Gretchen was finally done crying she pulled away slowly from B’elanna. She was embarrassed as she wiped the tears from her cheeks and grabbed a tissue to blow her nose. When she turned back all she saw was B’elanna’s back as she was storming out of the kitchen. Gretchen scurried after her and saw her storm up the stairs. Gretchen ran up the stairs still following her and saw B’elanna opening each door until she opened Kathryn’s. Gretchen caught up to B’elanna as she stormed into Kathryn’s room and ripped the blanket off of Kathryn.

“Okay Captain, that's enough of this” B’elanna snapped.

Kathryn sat up shocked at B’elanna’s actions. She tried to grab the comforter back, but B’elanna threw it across the room. 

“B’elanna what the hell do you think you’re doing” Kathryn screamed.

Gretchen was a little afraid, standing in the doorway watching Kathryn, the madest she had seen her, and B’elanna, who was arguably terrifying when she was mad, go at each other. 

“Really” B’elanna scoffed. “What the hell are you doing? We all understood when the hearings were over that you needed a break, but this is not you. You’ve been hiding out for too long.”

“Maybe this is me” Kathryn yelled. “Maybe this is who I am now.”

“That’s a poor excuse and you and I both know it isn’t true” B’elanna replied.

“Why do you even care” Kathryn sneered. 

“I care because there is a little girl downstairs who is celebrating her first real Christmas and she came to see you because you are an important part of her life” B’elanna yelled. “I care because you were always there for me on Voyager when I was struggling and you never left me behind. I care because I just held your mother for five minutes downstairs in your kitchen while she sobbed because she is so scared of what is happening to you.”

Kathryn was left speechless. While she was trying to find something to say in response B’elanna shifted and opened up Kathryn’s line of sight to Gretchen standing in the doorway. Gretchen had started crying again and was leaning against the doorway with her hand over her mouth. When Kathryn locked eyes with her Gretchen tried to wipe the tears from her face, but more just kept coming.

“Mother” Kathryn whispered.

B’elanna whipped around to look at Gretchen. She obviously hadn’t realized that Gretchen had followed her from the kitchen. She probably wouldn’t have said any of that if she had known that Gretchen was there, but Gretchen was glad she had said it. Gretchen took a few unsteady steps into the room and sat on the end of Kathryn’s bed.

“I’m scared Kathryn,” Gretchen choked out. “I feel like I’m losing you again and I don’t know what to do to help you.”

“Oh Mother” Kathryn sobbed, burying her face in her hands and folding over. 

Gretchen quickly crawled up the bed and gathered Kathryn in her arms and B’elanna stepped towards the bed until she could put a comforting hand on Kathryn’s back. As Kathryn sobed Gretchen looked up at B’elanna and they both had tears in their eyes. B’elanna quietly slipped out of the room and Gretchen was left holding Kathryn together as she cried. It was heartbreaking to watch Kathryn fall apart like this, but it was encouraging because this was the first time in all these months that Kathryn had cried.

After several minutes Gretchen heard someone coming up the stairs. She was worried about someone else seeing Kathryn like this, but there was nothing she could do about it. She was trapped on the bed holding Kathryn so she just had to hope that whoever was coming up wouldn’t barge in. When B’elanna was the one who appeared in the door holding Miral Gretchen smiled through her tears. 

B’elanna set Miral down on the end of the bed and the curious little toddler crawled up the bed towards Kathryn and Gretchen. When she got up close enough she put a small hand on Kathryn’s face which made Kathryn jump. Kathryn looked up at the owner of the little hand in surprise. The crying stopped and Kathryn stared in awe at Miral. MIral reached up and wiped her little hands over Kathryn’s cheeks wiping away some of the tears.

“Why cry” Miral questioned.

Miral didn’t wait for the reply as she crawled up a little further and reached up for Gretchen’s face. Gretchen still had one arm wrapped firmly around Kathryn, but she brought her other hand to gently stroke Miral’s small chubby cheek. Miral looked back at Kathryn again.

“Kay Jay why cry” MIral asked again.

Kathryn looked up at B’elanna in surprise.

“We have a picture of you holding her in her bedroom” B’elanna explained. “Every night she says goodnight to the picture. She couldn’t say Captain Kathryn Janeway so it became Kay Jay and it just kind of stuck.”

Kathryn reached out and pulled Miral off of Gretchen;s lap and onto her own.

“I was sad,” Kathryn explained. “But I think I’ll get better.”

Miral smiled and patted Kathryn’s cheeks with both of her hands. Kathryn gave Miral a small smile which caused Miral to giggle and smile at her mother. B’elanna reached down for Miral.

“Come on little one,” B’elanna instructed. “Let’s let Kathryn get dressed and then she’ll come down and play with you.”

B’elanna and Miral headed back downstairs leaving Gretchen and Kathryn together on the bed. Kathryn leaned into Gretchen’s chest and Gretchen embraced her.

“Mother, I’m sorry this has been so hard on you” Kathryn apologized.

“I just want you to be you again” Gretchen whispered into Kathryn’s hair.

“Everything in me just feels so broken and I don’t know what to do about it” Kathryn replied.

“Well today you’re going to spend time with people who love you” Gretchen explained. “Then tomorrow we’re going to work on a plan together. We’ll find you a counselor and we’ll do whatever we need to do to help you feel better.”

Gretchen kissed the top of Kathryn’s head and rubbed her back.

“I love you sweetheart” Gretchen whispered.

“I love you too mom” Kathryn replied.


End file.
